I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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