It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
