If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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