god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm getting married
To pizza
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
