It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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