she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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