Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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