Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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