I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
