too bad you live with your parents still
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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