What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
