My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When are your genitals available?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
