Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
