just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
