I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize