so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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