actually, I'm a sock model
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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