I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
