She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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