is your mom at the bar?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
