it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
