Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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