Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
