The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
