If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
