I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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