I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
