So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so let's talk penis.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
