u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
