I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
