I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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