Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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