tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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