my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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