Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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