so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
