I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
