My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
