Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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