Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
