TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
