Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Randomize
