you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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