pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
