Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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