if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
