The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
