o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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