you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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