we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
