The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
