Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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