Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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