Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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