You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize