i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
