your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
