dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
