and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
