I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
