the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
