I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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