How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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