What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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