He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
