I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
