is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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