Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
